How To Get My Partner To Try Anal or Pegging
Got a burning question about pleasure or spicing things up in your relationship? You’ve come to the right place! I’m Jacqueline Kee, co-founder and resident sexpert at Hedonist, here to tackle all your curiosities about intimacy, passion, and everything in between. Don’t be shy—fill up this form (anonymously), and let’s get you some answers! 💕
Question: How to get my partner to try anal or pegging?
Before I tackle this question, first off, it’s important to understand the difference between anal play and pegging.
Anal play is the broader category, it’s any kind of play or exploration involving the anus, whether it’s with fingers, anal sex toys, or even just external stimulation around the area.
Pegging, on the other hand, is a specific form of anal play where one partner (usually the woman) uses a strap-on dildo or another penetrative toy to anally penetrate their partner (typically a man).
Now, who does it? Pretty much anyone who’s curious! Pegging and anal play aren’t limited to any one type of relationship—it’s for anyone, whether you’re in a straight, same-sex, or any other dynamic. It’s a fun, intimate way to shake up traditional roles, explore power dynamics, and discover new sensations. The most important thing is to have mutual consent, open communication, and a willingness to explore with an open mind (and plenty of lube of course 😉)!
How to Get Your Partner to Try It?
Alright, so you’re interested in introducing the idea of anal play/ pegging to your partner? Here’s how you can approach it:
1. Have an Open Conversation
Start by having a no-pressure chat with your partner. Whether it’s during a fun date, post-sex conversation, or while talking about sexual growth or fantasies. Encourage an honest dialogue without judgement about exploring pegging or anal play.
Ask them what they think about exploring new things in the bedroom without jumping straight to pegging. It’s all about planting the seed in a way that feels natural. You can bring it up like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about trying something new? Have you heard about pegging or anal play? What do you think about it?”
2. Focus on Shared Enjoyment
When you bring something new like this into the mix, frame it as something that’s about fun, exploration and mutual pleasure. It’s not just about ticking off a “bucket list” item, it’s about exploring and having fun together.
From my own experience, I’ve had my fair share of butt play with different partners, and what makes it go sooooo much smoother is having your partner reassure you, not just physically but mentally too! Knowing that it’s okay to stop at any time if something feels off (even if a little poop happens, that’ll be alright, no judgement) makes a huuuge difference. It’s also very important to set the scene together, prep together and make sure you have the basics covered, like waterproof sheets, waterproof blankets, dark towels, or even a toilet nearby. This way, you’ve got each other’s backs and you can both feel safe and comfortable. Because honestly, the last thing you want is to feel nervous or tense and that’s not gonna help anything when it comes to relaxing your sphincters (anus) muscles!
3. Don’t Get Offended
Okay, so if your partner isn’t quite ready to engage in the conversation and responds negatively, it’s important not to take it personally. Sometimes, people have strong reactions to certain topics, especially when they feel unsure or uncomfortable. Instead of getting defensive or upset, try to stay calm and understanding. Remember, this is about opening up a space for conversation, not forcing a decision.
If their reaction is harsh, take a step back and give them space to process their feelings. It’s okay if they’re not ready, this doesn’t mean they’ll never be open to it. Keep the dialogue respectful and let them know you’re open to revisiting the conversation whenever they feel more comfortable. The key is not pushing but creating a safe environment where they feel heard and respected.
4. Educate Together
If they’re open but a little unsure, that’s totally normal! Take your time and explore the idea together—maybe watch some porn (stick to the softer stuff to ease into it), read some “how-to” guides, or even chat with an expert if that feels right. Learning together can make the whole thing way less intimidating and actually pretty fun.
Oh, and here’s a cool fact: the male G-spot, aka the prostate (P-spot), is in the rectum, and stimulating it can lead to intense, full-body orgasms. And yes, plenty of straight men enjoy it too! It’s a completely different sensation from a regular orgasm, so if he’s curious, it might just be worth exploring.
For the full lowdown, check out our blog on how to get started with anal play—because good prep makes all the difference.
source: futuremethod
5. Have Fun Shopping together
If you’re on the hunt for the perfect harness (for you or your partner), go for one that makes you feel sexy and confident! They come in all kinds of materials and sizes, so there’s something for everyone. The one we carry is not just stylish but also super functional (yep, it’s washing machine friendly!). Check out this reel for some tips on how to use a strap-on harness!
If you’re grabbing an anal toy, make sure it has a flared base—trust us, you do not want a trip to the ER. Toys come in body-safe silicone, or if you’re into temperature play, glass and metal can be great options too. Oh, and anal play isn’t just about penetration! Vibrators work wonders externally too. Here’s a cheeky little reel on all the fun ways and techniques to explore butt play.
P.S. Lube is non-negotiable, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so be generous! For a comprehensive guide on what to look out for, check out this guide to keep things smooth in the bedroom for better sex!
6. Respect Boundaries
And despite all that, if your partner’s not feeling it, that’s totally okay. Don’t push them into it. Sometimes, just talking about it is enough to open the door for future exploration, or maybe it’s not the right time. Either way, respect their boundaries and know that there’s plenty of other things to try that might excite both of you.
Looking for tips to get started? Check out our guides on choosing your first sex toy, introducing toys into your relationship, and the dos and don’ts of gifting a sex toy. Because let’s be real—picking the right toy is just as important as knowing how to use it. 😉