Got a burning question about pleasure or spicing things up in your relationship? You’ve come to the right place! I’m Jacqueline Kee, co-founder and resident sexpert at Hedonist, here to tackle all your curiosities about intimacy, passion, and everything in between. Got more questions? Don’t be shy—email me at hello@hedonisttribe.com, and let’s get you some answers! 💕

How Do I Get My Partner To Be More Spontaneous?

I love that you’re wanting to add more spontaneity and teamwork to your date nights—it’s such a beautiful way to keep the spark alive and make things exciting! And I totally get it, it can be exhausting if you feel like you’re the one always coming up with the ideas. So, here’s a simple and fun way to make it a shared effort:

Create a “Date Night Adventure Hat”

Turn this into a bonding activity during your next date night! Grab some slips of paper and brainstorm ideas together—these can range from activities to food cuisines to even spicing things up in the bedroom. Make it as creative or simple as you like:

• Specific Ideas: If you prefer structure, write down things like, “Find a scenic spot for a picnic” or “Go roller skating.”
• Broad Suggestions: For more spontaneity, try categories like, “Explore Italian cuisine” or “Plan a surprise based on a shared fantasy.”

Once you’ve both come up with ideas, tear up the slips, toss them in a jar or hat, and whenever it’s time for date night, draw one out. Whoever pulls the slip gets to take the lead in bringing that idea to life!

Kickstart Your Hat with These Ideas:

Here’s a quick way to organize your hat:

• Each partner writes down 2 food cuisines (broad-based)
• Add 2 specific activities each (something fun or new)
• Include 2 roleplay/sex fantasy ideas (specific or vague, depending on your comfort level).

Why This Works:

1. Collaboration Over Blame: It shifts the focus from “Who’s planning?” to “What exciting idea do we get to explore together?” Taking the weight off one person to plan and makes it a joint effort.
2. Surprise Element: The randomness keeps things fresh and exciting, even if you’re technically “planning” in advance.
3. Keeps It Flexible: Broad suggestions (like cuisines or activity types) give enough structure to avoid indecision while still allowing room for spontaneity when the idea is drawn.

Bonus Twist: If you want to add a little more excitement, include a few “wild card” ideas—something unexpected, like “Try a new dance class”, “Watch a midnight movie”, “Do a karaoke night” or “Recreate your first date.”

This playful approach not only makes planning easier but also builds anticipation and keeps things fresh. It’s a great way to reignite creativity and teamwork in your relationship, making each date night something you both look forward to. Give it a try, and let me know how it goes —I’d love to hear how it goes! 💕

With love,
Jacqueline
Co-founder & Sexpert of Hedonist